Yesterday’s $750,000 Guarantee attracted a nice field of 4,057 players and had a prize pool of more than $800K. A hearty round of congrats are in order for all of the players who took part in this enormous donkament (go ahead, pat yourselves on the back), but especially our winner syzygy-1-1-1-1, who can now afford to go on a nice little shopping spree with his newfound $143,285.13.

But the big story of the day had to be David Benyamine’s better half (much, much better), Erica “The Poker Babe” Schoenberg, making a deep run in the $750K Guarantee all the way to the final table. Unfortunately, Erica didn’t quite complete her mission and wound up being the first player eliminated from the final table. Don’t feel too bad for Ms. Schoenberg though, she took home more than $10K for her efforts – not a horrible return for a $200 investment. Brains, beauty, and poker skills to boot – she really is the complete package boys.

Meanwhile, there was some seriously sick action going down at the PLO ring-game tables yesterday. Team Full Tilt’s Patrik Antonius, Gus Hansen and John Juanda were joined at a $200/$400 PLO table by high-stakes regulars SteveSung, Pr1nnyraid and LoLiNa for some $20K flips. This was degeneracy at its finest folks – please do not try this at home.

JJ was the big winner for the session, taking home around $280K – a nice payday for one of the nicest guys in poker. LoLiNa also had a very nice session, ending the day up about $90K. I look forward to the day I can afford to take $20K flips, seems like it would be fun. Then again, I look forward to the day when I actually make at least $20K a year (target date: 2052).

The Madness strikes back as we wait for the return of the FTOPS…

Just a heads up for all the Tilters out there in Pokerland – as promised, we’re running another round of Sit & Go Madness this weekend. The fun kicks off on Friday, August 1^st at 14:00 ET and goes all the way through to Sunday, August 3^rd at 14:00. There’s more than $75K in cash and prizes up for grabs, so if you’re a SNG player or just like winning cash and prizes, this one’s for you.

We’re also rapidly approaching zero hour for FTOPS IX (or 9, for those of you not fluent in Roman numerals). The action gets going on Wednesday, August 6^th with Event #1, a $1 million guarantee NLHE donkament, and runs through Sunday, August 17^th when the $2.5 million guaranteed Main Event takes place. There’s more than $15 million guaranteed over the 25 events of this mammoth series, so please don’t miss out on a second of the best donkament action around.

That’s all for now folks. If you’re hankering for more of The Rail we’ll have some new Bond18 action up for you in a bit, and AlCantHang will return soon with another round of Bloggers On The Rail – make sure to check them both out. Have a good one…

Is the Happy Hour schedule going to stay the same forever, or are you guys going to mix it up any time soon?

While I’m not the resident Happy Hour guru around these parts (unless, of course, you’re talking about happy hour at your local bar), I have been hearing whispers about some impending changes to the schedule. Once again, please don’t quote me on this (if you do, I might get fired), but I’d say be on the lookout for perhaps some more game-specific Happy Hours in the near future. I know that we already have a Limit-specific Happy Hour, but we’ll probably take a foray into the Omahas, Studs and Mixed Games of the world fairly soon.

I can also say that we might or might not be planning a new promotion centered around Happy Hour, so stay tuned for more potential details on that potential debacle. I joke, I joke, I kid, I kid. We’ve absolutely never held a promotion that could be classified as a debacle. Fiasco, maybe. But debacle, never.

I was just watching the latest Poker After Dark, which was a cash game as opposed to the standard tournament format. Any chance they’ll be switching formats completely? I thought it worked so much better as a cash game.

Once again, I’m not the resident Poker After Dark expert around here, so I can only speak from my extremely limited knowledge. I also saw the Poker After Dark cash game and was extremely entertained. I mean, who doesn’t love watching Phil Hellmuth make a complete ass-hat of himself? And that kid Tom Dwan (Durrrr, to all you online fan-boys out there), man, can he play or what? He’s going to make himself a lot of money one of these days. What? He’s already made millions? Looks like it’s time for another crying jag for me…

In terms of whether or not they’ll be permanently switching formats, I seriously doubt it. I do know that there’s another cash game on the schedule for later in the year, but I really hope they don’t do away with the tournament format altogether. Cash games can often be fun to watch (with the right mix of players), but there’s no end-game to look forward to (other than making large piles of money to take home). I just feel like the tournament format provides a little more excitement than the cash game does. And you can take that statement to the bank (wincing)…

You’re welcome my son. I take my duties as Jesus very seriously.

God complex aside, yes, FTOPS IX is almost here. Satellites are running, the last few pro hosts are being confirmed, and we’re all ready to rock and/or roll. Let the donkaments begin! Seriously though, it almost feels like Christmas around here. We all get so giddy and excited, we’re like a bunch of five-year-olds waiting to unwrap their presents. The fun begins on August 6^th, don’t miss out.

That’s it for now folks. Until next week…

• FTOPS IX: that’s right baby, FTOPS is back! 25 events, more than $15 million guaranteed – that pretty much says it all. If you can’t get excited about this then you really need to get your head checked. This truly is online donkament play at its finest. The action kicks off on August 6^th, please don’t miss out.
• Big Money Sundays: more awesome donkament action at Full Tilt Poker. There’s over $1 million in prize money up for grabs every Sunday with the Sunday Brawl, $750K Guarantee and Sunday Mulligan. This Sunday the $750K gets replaced with the monthly $1 Million Guarantee, so there’s even more prize money to be had.
• Happy Hour: earn twice the Full Tilt Points simply by playing in your favorite games. Whenever you see the smiley face in the game lobby that means Happy Hour is on. Come on people, who doesn’t love to get free stuff just for doing the same old thing? Use those extra points to get great gear from the Full Tilt Store. Doggy tank-top anyone?
• The Iron Man Challenge: my all time favorite promotion. It’s a bit on the complicated side, so let me summarize for you – the more you play, the more you get. Earn Iron Man Medals to use in the Iron Man Store, get entry to Freerolls and the chance to win up to $100K. This one is for players who really want to commit themselves to the game, and it’s really a great reward for showing that dedication.

We’ve also got a few great promos coming up that haven’t been officially announced as of yet, but let me give you a quick sneak peak. For all you SNG fiends out there, another round of Sit & Go Madness is coming up very soon, so stay tuned for all the details on that one. And for all the Patrik Antonius fans out there, we have a couple of great promos in the works involving Team Full Tilt’s newest member. Details on all of our new promotions will be coming soon.

That’s it for now folks. A hearty thanks goes out to all the Tilters out there who help make this the best place to play online poker. Have a great weekend pokerland…

So there you have it, Chiu takes a bite out of Boatman and wins the match by a score of 4-3. Check back next week for more fun, games, and idiotic stupidity from yours truly…

So now that we’ve reached the final table of the Main Event with a bunch of no-names, can we officially declare the decision to the delay the final table a complete disaster?

Not quite yet. I’m going to pull a complete 180 here and pretend that I’m an optimist for a moment. Let’s give the giant propaganda machine that is Harrah’s/ESPN a chance to do their thing and turn these nine nobodies into the next big thing. The power of persuasive media can be, um, quite powerful.

But yes, my initial reaction to seeing that nine stiffs had made the final table was that Harrah’s/ESPN were probably shitting their pants. Obviously they’re praying to the wrong god, because this really didn’t work out too well for them. Might I suggest the Church of Fonzie for their next stop?

Whatever happens, it will certainly be interesting to watch it play out. Either the powers that be will be able to turn water into wine or this is going to be the biggest disaster since Waterworld. My feeling is that if things don’t work out well the WSOP will switch back to its standard format next year and kill the delay. It should be a fun four months…

The Tiffany Michelle debacle was obviously the biggest storyline of this year’s Main Event, any thoughts on the matter?

Oh boy, do I have some thoughts. Some of them are good, some of them are bad, some of them will probably get me fired, and some of them are better suited for Penthouse. With that said, I’m going to tread lightly here and answer this question as carefully as possible.

I think that Tiffany’s deep run in the Main Event was great for poker. It would have been fantastic had she made the final table, but hey, that’s poker baby. The enormous amount of pressure on her going into that last day of play had to be a tremendous burden, it sucks that she wasn’t able to just focus on playing poker and forget about the rest of it.

As for the other part of the story (the part dubbed by Sir Dr. Pauly as the battle for Tiffany Michelle’s breasts), yeah, not so much. She made a rather stupid decision to pimp a not-to-be-named-here online poker room currently engulfed in a not-to-be-named-here scandal. Was it because she’s friendly with people who run the not-to-be-named-here site? Was it because they offered her the best deal? Was it just some bad advice from the wrong people? Or did she really just not know any better? I don’t know the answer to any of these questions, but I do know this is bringing negative attention to online poker at a time when we really didn’t need it. And that’s all I have to say about that.

And, before I forget – giggity!

I’m not really into conspiracy theories, but the whole moving Hellmuth to Matusow’s table thing when they were the only two big names left in the Main Event reeks of backroom shenanigans.

From what I’ve heard (and trust me, I don’t hear very much these days), ESPN were really the people running the show this year at the Main Event. So am I surprised that both Hellmuth and Mikey wound up at the same table to put a show on for the crowd? Of course not, poker is entertainment and having those two sitting next to each other is about as good as it gets. Do I think this was some elaborate JFK style conspiracy? Umm, no.

Think about it: the best case scenario for ESPN was having both Phil and Mikey make the final table (along with Tiffany Michelle’s breasts). If they’re sitting at the same table, the chances of them both making the final nine decreases substantially. Instead of having their own pool of fishes to feed on, they were both swimming in the same pond. That means that pond just got a hell of a lot smaller, and there are less fishes to eat.

So save the conspiracies for your local crazy homeless guy – this is poker, not politics. Until next week…

So there you have it, Zolotow takes down Turner by a score of 5-2. This match feels like it should’ve had a closer final score, but hey, those are the breaks. Check back next week for more madness and mayhem as we continue the march from 64 players all the way down to one.

What’s the deal with the lack of big name pros with big stacks at the Main Event this year? I thought this was supposed to be the year of the pro?

If anyone’s been reading Wicked Chops recently, they know that the term “Year of the Pro” has been trademarked by those wacky bastards. So, to avoid the risk of getting into any legal troubles, let’s just refer to it as the Year the Pros Did Better Than the Previous Few Years (YPDBTPFY, for short).

With that little caveat aside, let me feebly attempt to answer this daunting question. The short answer would simply be variance. The pros have been running well in the Series thus far, but that can’t last forever. Plus, the epic size of this year’s field (the second largest in Main Event history), means that the sea of donkyfish (thank you for that one Pauly) is much harder to navigate. Every player is a landmine, and your ass risks getting blown up whenever you attempt to step on one of them. Then again, the $9 million first-place prize is certainly worth the risk of losing a few limbs.

We’re also still fairly early in the proceedings. I have no doubts that a few pros will build a big stack over the next few days and we will once again be discussing whether or not this truly is the year of the pro. Whoops, I meant the YPDBTPFY. Please don’t sue me Chops, I’m ever so insignificant…

Do you ever get the feeling that someone’s watching you? I’m not paranoid or anything, but I think they’re spying on me…

Let’s just file this one under “Why drugs are bad” and move on…

Hello, my name is Svetlana, your new mail order bride. Thank you for your purchase, I look forward to seeing you very soon.

Whoops, don’t know how that one got in there. I must’ve been looking at the wrong inbox…

I just saw that the FTOPS IX schedule has been released, why does it pretty much look the same as the last FTOPS?

Why mess with success. If something ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Yada, yada, yada. If you don’t like it, go play on somewhere else…

(Editor’s note: please disregard the preceding paragraph. One Angry Monkey is obviously high on whatever fumes he’s been huffing today. We would like you to know that we do our best to provide an FTOPS schedule that’s appealing to as many of our players as possible. Full Tilt Poker – we care a lot!)

Until next week…

And that’s a wrap, folks. Black takes down Morgan by a close score of 5-4. You really have to give it to those Irish guys – they drink more than us, they have really cool accents that make it so you can only understand about 25% of what they’re saying, and they can call The Mad Monk one of their own. Check back next week for more fun and games as the Full Tilt Poker Heads-Up Challenge continues. Until then…

Any thoughts on the $50K HORSE event? That was a pretty sick final table.

A horse is a horse, of course of course, but not when he’s Scotty Nguyen. I agree that was a pretty sick final table, but with that many high-level pros in the field, how could it not be? Being the “home team” guy that I am, I was a little disappointed that Erick Lindgren or Huck Seed couldn’t seal the deal and bring home poker’s most prestigious title, but it was a fine showing by our guys nonetheless. Plus, it looks like EDog will be taking home the Player of the Year award, so he’s got that going for him.

I do appreciate what Scotty brings to the table though. How can you not love an Asian dude with a Jeri-curled mullet who constantly swigs from his beer can and shouts catch phrases like “that’s poker baby!”? In fact, if you don’t like Scotty Nguyen, then you have no soul. Pardon me; I think it’s about time to get my Jeri curl on…

If you were lucky enough to win a WSOP bracelet, do you think that you’d ever actually wear it?

No, next question.

Actually, let me get this out of the way as well. I’m making a fairly iron-clad prediction here: I will never ever, never never never win a WSOP bracelet. Just not happening. Things more likely to happen before I win a bracelet: peace in the Middle East, the mighty Memphis Grizzlies winning an NBA title, Earth being destroyed by a comet, and Angelina Jolie and Madonna getting into a cat fight over a starving African child. Actually, that last one might’ve happened already, I’m not too sure. At any rate, the point is that I can’t even win a $5 donkament online, so how the hell am I ever going to win a WSOP bracelet?

Now, if by some strange fluke (like the rest of the tournament field simultaneously dying) I do win a bracelet, I almost certainly would never wear it. I’m just not a bling kind of guy – my natural inclination is to wear things that make me inconspicuous, not make me stand out in a crowd. So, if you’re a baller and want to rock some nice jewellery, go on with your bad self. Me, I’m more likely to pawn my bracelet so I’m able to buy-in to my next donkament.

You guys have the inside hook up, any good gossip from the WSOP this year?

Yeah, we’ve got the inside hook up alright. We’re like McNulty on The Wire, except we’re not drunk Irish men and we don’t know anything at all. Actually, on second thought, maybe we’re exactly like McNulty. Hey man, at least we’re not like Cheese.

As for the inside scoop, there really isn’t one. Maybe it’s because we’re really not in the loop, or maybe it’s because there’s just nothing too exciting in terms of gossip going on this year. Yes, Phil Ivey has all sorts of prop bets floating around out there, but I really don’t know the full details on all of that since I’ve yet to infiltrate Ivey’s inner circle. Other than that, it’s been a rather mellow year as far as I know. Where’s Brandi Hawbaker when you need her? What? She’s dead? When the hell did that happen? That’s kind of depressing.

On a lighter note, it’s two for one day down at the IHOP – time to go get my pancake on. Until next week…

So there you have it folks, Cernuto takes down Jedlicka by a score of 4-3. Too bad Jedlicka is a former Magic player; otherwise he might’ve taken this one down. Check back next week for more fun and games…

Why do a bunch of the pros waste their time playing the low limit games and tournaments on Full Tilt Poker? Are they broke and building their bankroll, or is there another explanation for these strange occurrences?

As far as I know (and any knowledge I have should be taken with a grain of salt), none of the pros playing the smaller-stakes games are doing it because they’re broke and trying to build a bankroll. You see a bunch of guys like Lee Watkinson, Scott Fischman and Aaron Bartley playing some of the smaller tournaments (as in $24 or less), but I’m pretty sure they’re playing them because they’re nice guys and it’s pretty cool for us small-stakes ballers to get to play at the same table as some of the pros. I’m told our slogan is “learn, chat and play with the pros,” so it really wouldn’t be fair if only the high-stakes players got to play with them. I’m sure Lee, Scott, and Aaron really aren’t playing those tourneys to increase their bankroll; it’s their way of giving back to all the players on the site who can’t afford to sit down at pro limits.

One exception to this rule might be one of our German pros, Chris Klecz. I see her playing the $24 + $2 tourneys all the time, way too often to just be “giving back” to the players on the site. I have absolutely no idea what her bankroll is at these days, but something tells me she’s grinding those tourneys for a reason (i.e. must feed her children?). If I’m wrong Chris and you’re doing this as a way to connect to the low-stakes players, then I apologize. But I don’t think I’m wrong…

Whatever happened to Sit & Go Madness? Will you guys be running that again sometime soon?

That’s a great question; I’m not really sure what happened to SNG Madness. As far as I know, we will be running it again someday. I inquired to minds greater than my own about this matter, but I was told to “shut up and return to your dungeon, slave.” So we see how much respect I get around here at the office. At any rate, my best guess is that you will see the return of SNG Madness sometime in the next few months, but don’t hold your breath in the meantime. If you prefer to hold your breath, there’s really nothing I can do to stop you, but I’m told a lack of oxygen can be bad for your health.

Personally, I’m not too sad about the recent lack of SNG Madnesses. The last time that promotion rolled around I wound up sinking about half of my bankroll into trying win as many $2 SNGs as possible. And yes, upon reading that statement I will now go cry my eyes out on my extra large pilla…

Who is this Bond18 guy, and why is he on Poker From The Rail?

For those of you not in the know, Bond18 is a fellow poker blogger we’ve contracted to travel around the world in 90 days, hit up as many live donkaments as possible, and write trip reports for us. So far he’s been to tourneys in Italy and France and he’s currently donking it up at the WSOP on a daily basis. Check out all his stuff here – it’s pretty good reading, especially if you like hearing about the horrifyingly painful beats laid upon an online guy trying his hand at the live scene.

That’s it for this week folks. Sorry to be so brief, but the madness here at the office is reaching a peak and I need to head back to my dungeon for another round on the rack. Pray for my soul people, I need all the help I can get. Until next week…