Bond18 - Around the World in 90 Days: Days 1-2

Posted by Bond18 | Filed under Bond18

Melbourne Australia, April 30: Half way to the airport in the cab a chilling thought occurs to me.

I turn to Bondgirl:

“Uh, did you book a hotel for Venice last night?”

“No.”

“Shit.”

For someone as forgetful and responsibility averse as me, I’d actually done a fairly good job remembering and sorting most things leading up to the trip. I’d checked out some hotel listings online, but we hadn’t really come to a decision about what to book when we ran out of time and had to run to dinner with Bondgirl’s family. One of the preparations I had made was adjusting myself to European time, so when we attempted to go to eat at 8PM, I spent the whole of two hours sitting in my chair with my jacket lapels pulled close to my face for warmth, talking as much as a coma patient and looking like a strung out addict.

“Well, we can always get on the internet at the airport and book it.”

“I didn’t like the internet prices, we’ll just get one when we’re there.”

“Works for me.”

I made sure we got to the airport well ahead of time. This particular ticket (an around the world ticket which included all my flights in one) had a clause that if you missed your flight, all flights afterwards were forfeited. I’d been late and cut it close on flights way too many times before, and this was the last one in the world I could risk screwing up. The airport was fairly quiet at 2 in the afternoon on a Wednesday, and we were quickly through security and waiting at the terminal. The first flight was Melbourne to Bangkok, lasting roughly nine hours on Thai airways.

The flight itself was pleasant and uneventful. The flight was rather under-sold and I got the rare chance to take a nap on a flight lying down across three seats. Thai airways also have the TV in the back of each seat with a number of movies, shows, and games you can select. I decided to indulge my pretentious indie side and watch Lars and the Real Girl, a movie starring Ryan Gosling as a sad and lonely man who orders a sex doll but then becomes delusional and imagines she’s real, spending the film conversing with her. The film can be summed up with the following Simpson’s quote;

Reiner Wolfcastle: …My son returns from college and I’m horrified to discover he’s become a nerd.

Kent Brockman: I’m laughing already!

Reiner Wolfcastle: It’s not a comedy.

We disembark the plane in Bangkok and kill a couple hours in the terminal awaiting our flight to Frankfurt. The flight is on Lufthansa airline, a carrier I’ve never ridden before. When we get on, the plane is packed to the rafters with people, with zero empty seats. The seats are cold, hard, and seem to be smaller than most airlines - and are certainly smaller than the Thai ones. Bondgirl and I are seated across the aisle from each other. The two seats on my left are occupied by a German couple that look to be in their mid to late 20’s.

About 45 minutes into the flight we encounter turbulence that has the intensity and force of an old man sneezing on the side of the plane. The minor movement causes the female half of the couple to freak the fuck out and have a panic attack right next to me, while her boyfriend attempts to control her hysterical crying. Had the plane actually jerked violently or made a sudden dip I could perhaps understand, but given what a minor and standard disturbance it is, I’m instead struggling like all hell to keep myself from breaking into a massive fit of laughter at her German rambling mixed with frantic bawling. To my untrained ears her fit sounds something like:

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! LEIDERHOSEN BRATWHURST! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! NEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!”

I’m soon punished for my cold-hearted ways when she insists on getting up and going to the bathroom, meaning I have to get up. Then the boyfriend wants to go to the bathroom, meaning I have to get up. Then the boyfriend comes back, meaning I have to get up. Then the girl comes back and, as I get up, she decides to go back to the bathroom. The boyfriend then decides to get up again and is this time followed by a flight attendant aware of the situation, so I get up. Finally they come back together and settle into their seats, then do their best to apologize to me for all the discomfort in broken English.

What I said: “No problem at all. It happens.”

What I thought: “You people never been on a fuckin’ flight before or something? Well that can’t be true because you sure as hell don’t look Thai. God forbid we encounter 3 seconds of turbulence a four-year old might actually notice. Just don’t vomit on me lady.”

What do you want? Long flights are stressful, especially two in a row. Not like they would have understood me anyway.

I also have the good fortune to be seated directly under a TV. Lufthansa doesn’t have the TV’s in the back of the chair perk, so there are ones placed on the ceiling every five rows or so. This TV’s particular placement is awkward enough that I’d never be able to watch it without injuring my neck within 15 minutes. However, it’s poised perfectly to cast bright light into my face when I’m trying to sleep, especially when they randomly decide to show a documentary on penguins. That means the screen is constantly going from the black of the penguins, to a bright white shot of the snow around them, creating so much stimuli on my closed eyes that sleep becomes impossible. I take out one of the books I bought in the Melbourne airport, Breaking Vegas and read the whole thing. When I’m done I look up at the TV which is now running the flight monitor, only five hours to go. Awesome.

The flight touches down at some point early in the German morning. I’ve got a pretty vicious headache from all the time in pressurized cabins. Outside that though, I don’t feel nearly as bad as anticipated. I’m mostly just glad the hard part is over. Only a 75-minute flight to Venice and I don’t have to think about airports again for 11 days.

The flight is a brief, easy and comfortable one. We touch down and, after collecting our luggage, I’m amazed to find the whole of the Venice customs force is one guy with an adorable looking dog sniffing bags. No paper work, no lines, just the yellow lab who I wish I had a treat for. Outside the collection we find the hotel reservations booth and the lady puts us in a 4-star hotel near the center of the city at 250 euros a night for two nights. Considering the prices I saw online, this is a massive improvement, so Bondgirl was very right. We hire a water taxi to take us directly to our hotel and drive through the city in our own boat.

It’s hard not to sound cliché when describing Venice, but the city really is stunning. I mean, it’s got no roads. There’s no fucking roads! I can’t get over it. I’d been told this going into the trip, but I never realized how true this was. The city more so resembles a stone and concrete island rising out of the sea, packed with buildings and almost wholly devoid of plants. You’d think such an architectural wonder could only be conceived in a futuristic movie if it didn’t look so ancient sitting right before your eyes in real life. Waterways full of motorboats and gondolas flow through the city replacing traditional means of travel, though most everything is accessible through walkways. The insides of even the most casual of buildings are more upscale and classy looking than anything I can remember back home. Or maybe Italians jam too many paintings on their walls, I haven’t decided yet.

I haven’t had much time to check the city out thoroughly since I needed to eat, shower, change, and write this. There won’t be any poker in the trip reports for at least the next couple days, though I do intend to go check out the Venice casino at some point, dressed to the nines and pretending to be suave in a way only a 23-year old over-dressed jerk off from Wisconsin can. I imagine they won’t have poker and, even if they did, I wouldn’t want to waste my time here grinding, so I’ll likely play a few hands of baccarat for kicks then spend the rest of my time exploring the city before I get on the cruise in two days time.

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